Well it has been a long time since I have written anything, so I may be rusty. Our stream of good luck as far as health goes (if you read January’s blog) was abruptly cut off. By the time we could come up for air February had passed and March was underway. With March also came the realization that we have been part of the Diabetes club (which I don’t recommend if you can help it lol) for 3 years! It seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time.
Three years ago March 7 our life changed forever. Three years ago March 7, my baby was deathly ill, three years ago we were flown out of Walla Walla in a Medi-vac, three years ago and I still remember the smells, I can still hear the quiet murmur of the flight nurses, the calm voice of the pilot and feel the vibration of the rotors. I can still feel the tears streaming down my cheeks, see the face of the doctor at Sacred Heart trying to explain to me everything that was happening his face swimming in and out of focus with each onslaught. I still remember, boy do I remember, that yellow crash cart outside the door. I remember my brother silhouetted in the doorway, a pillar of support. I still remember collapsing on the bed in the spare room at the hospital praying to God that my baby would be ok, but that His will be done. I still remember my husband coming in and feeling his warm presence. I remember the warm and welcome oblivion of darkness and finally after days without sleep, resting in the knowledge that for now, Levi was safe under the watchful eye of the angels in PICU scrubs. I remember my Mom, never leaving my side, meeting me at the hospital in Walla Walla and driving up with my husband to Spokane. A silent sentinel, always there for me. I remember every day of that long week, and every minute of our anxious drive home when we were finally released from the hospital with what felt like a brand-new baby. I remember the first time we had to mix his insulin ourselves, and how nerve wracking it was. I remember the first time he had all his new gadgets, the insulin pump and CGM and the very first time the alarm went off while I was driving (a funny story which resulted in me wanting to throw the stupid thing out the window). If I let myself, I get lost in those memories.
I look around our family and watch Levi with his new “best friend”, a bantam chick with fuzzy feet. “He so cute…he loves me” Levi says, and I marvel at how far we have come. Three years ago, I didn’t know how we were going to manage. Every cough, every sniffle, every high blood glucose reading, made my heart pound, my breath quicken. I felt as if the world could fall apart at any moment. Three years ago, I didn’t know that my now 9-year-old daughter would be testing Levi’s blood glucose levels, or that my 11-year-old would be helping me count carbs. I didn’t know that my 6-year-old would be the watchful one making sure people didn’t give his baby brother sugar. That doesn’t mean that everything is easy now, because it’s not, especially when he is sick like he was in February, complete with an ER visit and an IV plus three days of check-ins with his Doctor at Sacred Heart in Spokane, but at least I know what to do now. I know when a high blood sugar reading is indicative of a problem and I know when I need to be patient and let the insulin work. I know what the signs of DKA are and I have the number of carbs in common foods memorized. I know that when he’s clammy he is going low, and when he is sweating he is going high. We have learned, we have adapted and we have grown. Levi has gone from being a fragile, very sick baby to a stout and strong happy boy with a pump in his back pocket. I can’t wait to see what the next three years have in store for us